So it’s okay for the cat to run away and hide under the bed when visitors turn up.
But when I do it, I’m “antisocial”.
I call bullshit.
Don’t act like you’ve never used a pair of binoculars to try to peer through another pair of binoculars.
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Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he’s wrong and you are positive their names are “Batman and Robert”.
One great thing about a cartoon avi is that I could be anything. I could be a 90-yo man. I could be a baby. HOW DO YOU KNOW I’M NOT A BABY!
On our walk this morning I mentioned that my legs were sore.
Hubs: I’ll carry you!
6: How can you carry her? She’s heavy!
Me: Daddy is strong…and I’m not THAT heavy!
6: Welllll, you LOOK heavy.
CEO: where do you see yourself in 5 years
me: hopefully in your chair
[5 years later]
me: *in the CEO’s chair*
CEO: *calling security* there’s a homeless man in my chair
I asked my doctor if I need to cancel my birthday party, but she said that’s only for events over 10 people.
Got booted from the rest stop bathroom for tickling everyone’s ankles
Don’t fight your demons: invite them in, nurture them, fuel their unholy power, get them to destroy your enemies, take them bowling.
Me (sobbing): It’s just so unfair.
Husband: Do we have to go through this every year? Move the sundresses to the back of the closet and stop being so dramatic.
COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?
ME: *pretending I’m asleep so he has to carry me up to my bed*
COP: Oh dang