My 10 yr old thinks I expect too much out of her.
I told her we could discuss it when she gets home from work.
Don’t be silly of course I know how to make French toast. *cracks egg into toaster*
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I don’t get it. Rock beats scissors but no one says shit about running with them.
absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh
Yes I wore a $900 fuchsia southern belle dress to your kid’s baptism. When I was your bridesmaid, you said I could always wear it again.
I hate running into people I know at the Supermarket.
I’m looking for food, not a reunion.
Therapist: And what do we do when we’re feeling angry?
Me: *revving chainsaw*
If God really didn’t want Adam to take a bite, he should have made it the broccoli of good and evil.
i’d like to drink my problems away but my kids don’t fit in the shot glass
I think the term copycat serial killer is a bullshit term. They can’t kill the same people as the other guy
“orange u glad im not a banana?”
…. MARTHA THERES A RACIST ORAMGE AT THE DOOR DO I LET HIM IN