Don’t be that guy that goes around saying “Don’t Be That Guy.”
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roses are red
tulips are fun
I could tell you the story of breaking my arm sledding but be warned, it goes downhill fast.
satan: [pulling me aside] hey we’ve had some complaints
me: about the laughing?
satan yeah [scratching horns] i gotta be honest a lot of the demons are creeped out
satan: you really shouldn’t be enjoying the torture this much
ME: can i open a joint account
BANKER: ok with who
ME: anyone rich
I’m getting to the age where I could be a cougar, but Wikipedia says cougars are “slender and agile” which pretty much rules that out.
My personal trainer told me to stop eating pizzas but if I’m craving it I should just eat one slice. So now I ask them not to cut the pizza.
Just saw a bag of McDonalds in the street. Unsure how this will affect brand. Could be good (free advertising) or bad (no one was eating it)
I bet the first mohawk was created by a guy trying to even out his sideburns.
When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it’s best to remember they’re pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go