@CoreyKeyz: Don't bring up something I said 30 minutes ago. I'm a different person, I've changed since then.
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@bitchuaries: there’s plenty of fish in the sea but you know what else there is? trash. there is a lot of trash in the sea.
@AndyAsAdjective: 7YR OLD: daddy, what does "despacito" mean? ME: slowly 7: ok…daddy……what……does……despacito...…mean?
@HughGoesThere: Zookeeper: Sir, please leave the hippo enclosure. Me: No. This is my family now. ZK: They don't actually eat marbles. Me: I'm coming out.
@williamsonnier: Take that seed. Yes that one Burn it. Now crunch it up. More. Now pour this hot water on it. Let me drink that. It's good. Name it "coffee"