my parents: how come you never socialize with the family?
me: *sits with family*
me: *gets insulted by entire family*
Don’t cry for me, Argentina,
Keep your face dry, Dubai,
No tears, Algiers,
Or from you, Peru,
Now Oman, no cry.
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[first day in prison]
“I need to speak to management. There is no way I can use this generic bar soap on my face.”
“Sorry, but none of my clothes fit today.” My date nods, and politely avoids looking at my towel and safety pins.
I just sighed so loud that my neighbor texted me, “What’s wrong?”
The original “Ben Hur” was a mega
hit movie ….with ( 11 ) Oscars.
The remake is a box office flop.
A clear case of “Ben Hur, Done That”
Vegans with children named ‘Hunter’ are why I lie awake at night.
Why aren’t there more Christmas songs about revenge?
I feel like dry shampoo is the equivalent of unicorn blood for hair—it will keep it alive, but it will be a half-life, a cursed life…
DOJA CAT is a 25-year-old rapper, singer, and songwriter.
DEJA CAT is the strange sensation that you’ve seen a cat somewhere before.
Hope this helps!
My favorite people are the ones that like to pass judgement on others because they have obviously lead a perfect life