If you give a man a PS4, he will play for a day.
If that man buys the PS4 he will not shower for 2 months.
Don’t describe two completely different things as “apples and oranges” they’re both fruit
Say something like “elephants and crystal meth”
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[1 year 4 months since Totino’s changed their frozen pizza shape from circle to rectangle]
HER: still mad at Totino’s?
March 23: Trump pretends to drive big-rig. House bill falls apart.
July 17: Trump pretends to drive firetruck. Senate bill falls apart.
If she licks all the frosting off her face with a single 360 degree sweep of the tongue, she might be Scooby Doo.
(interviewer): do you have any questions? (me): ya can a werewolf bite really kill a vampire?
Police: where were you between 5 and 6?
“Ah, Mr Bond, I-”
*closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers*
“-wasn’t expecting you.”
Me: *in bed with dogs*
*car drives down street*
Dogs: HOW DARE YOU MAKE A NOISE WHILE OUR HUMAN IS SLEEPING, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
*raises visor on knight helmet* Define “silly purchases,” Cheryl
About delete my Facebook account, I hope Stacey and Heather from the 3rd grade can handle the rejection.