Friend: have you ever been to Norway?
Wife: sadly no.
Friend: why not?
Wife: my husband said we can’t afford it.
Me: that’s not what I said.
Wife: [sigh] he said we can’t afjord it.
Don’t do drugs, kids.
The extra demand will drive up the price for the rest of us.
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Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?
I’ve been trying out the rum diet this week, I’ve lost 2 days already.
“OPEN UP, THIS IS THE POLICE!”
haha, no way losers. I’ve got things to do.
*cop whispering* “what do we do? this guy is owning us hard!”
The odds of being killed by a shark are 1 in 3,748,067. So if you know 3,748,066 people who haven’t been killed by a shark: avoid the ocean.
1. Bang knee on table – curse life.
2. Check credit card balance.
3. Think back to sweet moment when you banged knee on table.
Clarissa didn’t explain this at all
My extra sensitive toothpaste cries when I don’t brush my teeth
Why stop with two L’s Lloyd? why?
*at a concert*
ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK
LETS DO THIS HIT IT
*30 second ad plays first*