@TheMichaelRock: Don't forget to get offended today by some retarded shit that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
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@trouteyes: Policeman: Name please Iggy Pop: Iggy Pop Policeman: Your FULL name Iggy Pop: (Quietly) Ignatius Poppadom
@TheTweetOfGod: America is the greatest country on earth at thinking it's the greatest country on earth.
@TheBoydP: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
@PhuckinCody: ME: Let's go get some chicks [later] FRIEND: This isn't what I had in mind ME: Shhh *carefully places tophat on baby chicken* this is Abe