Don’t get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid.

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I’m not a stupid person. I have a college degree. But I’ll never understand how a fan can collect so much dust when it’s constantly moving.


[throwes some foam packing peanuts into a pond]


shh wait

[a flock of rubber duckies float over squeaking excitedley]


I’m pretty sure the chick at this drive thru had me repeat, ‘I’ll take a number two’, multiple times so she could laugh at me.


What do you mean they lied? Pfft. You can’t lie on the internet.


As a Jew, I refuse to enter any steam room or sauna until I’ve seen other people come out.


I’m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell


Hey! Welcome to Urban Outfitters. Are you a baby-sized woman or a woman-sized man?


“I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In” is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner.


Beware the Jubjub bird AND shun the frumious Bandersnatch? In this economy?!


I just feel like you shouldn’t be using a selfie stick unless you’re a T-Rex.