You say tired, I say challenge.
-A toddler at bedtime.
Don’t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
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I got a pocket got a pocket full of sunshine
Sunshine: Please let me go. I have children.
shop assistant: do you need help?
me: yah but i’ll settle for finding the vodka aisle
CW: I spent all weekend raking leaves.
Me: I don’t rake.
CW: Leaves will kill your grass!
Me: I wonder how grass survived before humans.
For the first time in forever, I used the term “oopsie-daisy”. Couldnt be avoided. I mean what else do you say when you drop someone’s baby?
Me: What’s for dinner?
Me: I will make the Duck Sauce.
*fires up juicer