@Dawn_M_: Don't judge me because I like 80's music. Judge me because I had a late term abortion because a baby would ruin my holiday plans.
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@girlnarly: Gordon Ramsay: *smashing things* WHY IS THE OVEN FACING THE WALL?!? me: dude you told me to set it at 180 degrees
@VodkaThursday: Gave up on my dream of being a murderer a long time ago. I leave long hair everywhere & everyone knows its mine without doing a DNA test.
@shawnries: Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.