3: Who’s that on your shirt?
Me: Yoda, from Star Wars.
3: I don’t like him.
Me: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t make me mad or I will replace all your gummy candies with fiber gummies.
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I’m still not convinced Mitt Romney was born.
OH AND JUST FYI…. THE BAGS UNDER MY EYES ARE LOUIS VUITTON
Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?”
“Because your mum loves Easter and it’s an anagram of Easter”
“No problem Alan”
[Wakes up in hospital after car crash]
I’m afraid we had to amputate both of your feet.
You were too tall to fit in the ambulance
7 came home to a “7” balloon on his birthday & asked “Why is there an upside-down L balloon here?” & I’m really excited because now I can spend his college fund on that tummy tuck with a clear conscience.
Wife: you’ve hardly touched your dinner…talk to me.
Me: *sigh* I can’t keep teaching zoology, Susan. I’m so tired of answering stupid questions.
Waiter: how does the chicken taste?
Me: WITH ITS TONGUE
God: *holding a cat by its scruff* WHO MADE THIS?
Resentful Angel: I don’t know. You didn’t?
God: NO, it hates me and people
ME: I made you some coffee! It’s even double filtered… fancy right?
WIFE: couldn’t separate the coffee filters could you?
If the sprayer in the sink can’t get it off and the dishwasher can’t get it off then I assume it’s just meant to be a part of the pan.