2 goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says “YOU MAN THE GUNS, I’LL DRIVE!”
(I’m not deleting this)
Don’t mind me. Just over here shaking my phone like a Magic 8-Ball, trying to get the screen to rotate back.
You Might Also Like
FYI: Waterparks can’t call it a “lazy river” if they make you get out to pee.
ME: Is this chicken cooked?
WAITER: Why do you ask?
ME: Because it’s just eaten my vegetables.
My wife is still mad at me for that 20 minute blank stare I did when she asked me what I was thankful for on Thanksgiving day.
So I told my husband that I have a TC and he said, “that’s really cute. See if he wants to fund your shoe addiction”
Angel: okay, this one?
God: it’s black, so black bean
A: and this?
G: lol that looks like a kidney— kidney bean!
A: k, and this one?
G (giggling): GARBANZOOOOOoooooo!!
A: … dude, you alright?
Your sister wives’ moms are technically mother-in-against-the-laws
In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?