I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it’s cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that’s how it works. Meh.
Don’t “psh” me, Coca Cola I just opened.
You Might Also Like
[after losing a rap battle]
me: I didn’t realize how much rhymed with jorts
me: can I go on your yacht?
me: why nacht?
friend: your texts are annoying
me: that’s what I thacht 🙁
If you’re wearing slippers in the car, the chances of your child needing you to run in somewhere increase by 500%.
Tried to change the song playing on my daughters computer.
She said to me: ‘I’m going to put parental controls on it.’
Tech support guy asked me to rank my issue as normal, urgent, or extremely urgent. I did a 6min long scream into the phone & let him decide.
If you want to receive a text message every 3 minutes for an hour, send your husband to the grocery store.
SHEEPLE, WAKE UP! THE SAME CANDY THEY CALL “HALLOWEEEEEEN” CANDY IS AVAILABLE ALL YEAR LO…get off me…let go…NEVER FORGET!
Offering a service where you pay $15 and I protect you for the night. I will be your personal gargoyle. I will perch myself above your bed in your room, and watch over you as you sleep.