@fart: dont remember a dang thing from last night but i have a crossbow now
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@sofarrsogud: My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day. And something about listening.
@copymama: [Baby shower] Mom-to-be, opening my gift: What's this? Me: A lock box. MTB: For what? Me: Your office supplies: tape, scissors, pens... MTB: Me: You'll thank me in 5 years.
@thatUPSdude: Turns out HR doesn't care if it's national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work.