@milehighocd: Don't take a shower when you're drunk. The curtain does not support you when you fall. Trust me.
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@KalvinMacleod: If you would have told me 20 years ago that I'd be posting stupid jokes on the internet, I would have said what's an internet.
@BrianIncognito: My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
@ThaJawn: *gives up horoscopes for Lent *caves and reads horoscope "You are weak willed and lack conviction"
@ShortSleeveSuit: HR: Alright people, let's be a little more sensitive to Linda bc she's pregnant with child Sally [who is pregnant with a hedgehog]: *sigh*