i wanted som fried chicken but i didnt have any chicken so i fried an egg adn waited a few years
Don’t talk to me about your drinking problems until you’ve tried to make your cat wear your contact lenses because he looked a bit squinty.
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I get so fustrated when people say “supposably” or “irregardless” I feel like I’m literally drownding
Lost in a corn maze? Light it on fire. Turn it into a popcorn maze. Eat your way out.
Unfortunately Katy Perry, I couldn’t fit in the skin tight jeans so instead of a teenage dream my husband gets Blair Witch.
I’m not saying Coke is better, I’m just saying I’ve never heard anyone order a Jack and Pepsi.
I really want to snuggle and watch a movie with my boyfriend.
Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
I lost 42 pounds!!!
Help me find her before her mother comes back!
“I missed you so much!” I shout as I run past my wife’s open arms and jump into my bed.
Nothing makes me more proud of my son’s sense of humor, than when he asks me for help with his algebra homework.
If by “social butterfly” you mean I will take off when you come near me, then yep.