@_salt_n_lime

Don’t tell me how to run my account and I won’t make a voodoo doll just to dunk your head in the toilet.

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@JUSTLisandra

Having my wisdom teeth pulled.

They have nothing left to teach me.

I must learn on my own from now on.

@jazmasta

[Chumbawumba concert]
🎶 I get knocked down, but I get up again.. 🎶
[whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd]
“Aw hell yeah!”

@ohthatbadger

30% of Satan’s workday is responding to accidental summonings caused by predictive typing.

@mamatomy3

Me: There is a small tree on fire.
911: Could you describe it?
Me:Picture shrubbery…now picture it engulfed in flames.

@Dawn_M_

They’re creepy and they’re kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They’re all together ooky

The Twitter Family

*click click*

@qwertying

I spent the entire day throwing darts at a picture of my wife.

*wife phones*

Wife: What you doing?

Husband: Missing you.

@theB6Chronicles

WHAT DO WE WANT!?

A forum for passive aggressive behavior!

WHEN do we want it?

NOW would be great but you seem busy sooo whatever.