*hires sky writer*
I K N O W Y O U A T E
T H E L A S T F R U I T R O L L U P.
I W A N T A D I V O R C E
K A R E N.
Don’t tell me you’re coming to my party on facebook then go for something better last minute ugh have fun at “the wake” or whatever
You Might Also Like
I’m bringing sexy backward.
“Don’t make things all about you for once…”
My mother says hi.
My neighbors have been calling for their cat for 15 minutes. I’ve been meowing out the window for 30.
mother’s day idea: treat your mom as she has treated you! force her to take piano lessons
*Game Character Treatment Center*
Counselor: Okay new faces, please tell us why you’re here
Pac-Man: Binge eating
Lara Croft: Kleptomania
Ryu: *crying* I can’t stop fighting streets
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I’m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I’m talking about
Avoid being invited back to a party by showing up with a 25-gallon jug of lube and a box of rubber gloves.
octupus: [gun in each hand]
cat: you’re one short buddy
My wedding vows said “till death do us part.”
My wife died, so I was a free man.
Then she came back and bit me.