Hoping to get “till death do us part” reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.
Don’t think you’re immune. We’re all just a whim away from singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” Yes, a whim away…a whim away…a whim away.
You Might Also Like
My pantry would give that guy from Sleeping with the Enemy a heart attack.
Him: you look tired today
Me: you look like you need a mouth that says better sentences
Sorry I missed your wedding, but Netflix just autoplays the next episode now.
Opens a sperm bank that only accepts redheaded donors….
The Ginger Bred House.
*aircrafts dropping from the sky
Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?
I wonder if Houdini ever locked himself out of the house.
Do you people like your catfish battered and deep fried?
If ya’ll had let everybody eat the Tide Pods when they wanted to they wouldn’t be out here licking the ice cream.
doctor: your wife is not responding
husband: is she mad at you