If wandering off was an Olympic sport, my mind would be a gold medalist.
Don’t trust anybody who owns a working printer.
You Might Also Like
Before you do that- think, Would an idiot do that?
Then, don’t do that.
Doctor: You have to stop eating donuts…
D:…so that I can start the operation.
M: [STUFFING DONUT UNDER OXYGEN MASK] For later.
Me: for my first wish I want 20 dollars
Genie: done. and your second?
Me: infinite money
Genie: no can do
Me: *slips him my first wish* how about now
Hot singles are in your area!
Hot singles are on your block!
Hot singles are in your house!
Hot singles are here to kill you!
Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.
If I ever have to get into a fight with a bear, I’m sneaking in at least one hug.
My therapist says “being eaten by a bear” is not a “goal”.
I woke up this morning with my 4-year-old in my face, nose to nose, asking why people have skeletons.
[Christopher Nolan on the set of Batman Begins]
Great Batman voice, Christian! Terrific stuff!
[aside] maybe Batman shouldn’t talk