Don’t wait until the last minute to procrastinate. Start procrastinating today!

You Might Also Like


Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would’ve been if he’d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.


*wife grabs my wrist as I go overboard*
Her: You’re… slipping…
Me: Pretend I’m the covers.
*she easily pulls me to safety with one arm*


My therapist wants me to start coming in twice a week probably because I’m super interesting


Shout out to the creepy guy sitting in your bedroom chair who turns into clothes as soon as you turn on the lights.


H: You look nice.
Me: I’m meeting one of my Twitter friends today.
H: So you want your picture on the evening news to be a nice one?
Me: Yep


*holding banana up to my ear as if it’s a phone*
haha, get it?? it looks like i am making a phonecall. but i’m n-*banana rings* oh crap


My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day.
And something about listening.


Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.