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@Rollinintheseat: *Don’t Walk sign flashes*
Me: [from my wheelchair]: “Okay.”
@fart: adam sandler's wife is madam sandler
@titusbb: I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don't even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
@charliecapen: Parenting is a lot like a Tarantino film. Lot of questions and violent screaming.
@mexinonblonde: This is just the most tragical thing that has ever happened to me.
-Me eating tofu
@FabMommy29: But wait.....does your wife know that you’re divorced?