@Carbosly: Don't wanna brag, but I just beat my own record for most consecutive days spent without dying.
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@david8hughes: Me: will I find a wife Fortune teller: no Me: u didnt do the thing with the cards Fortune teller [flips one card, maintains eye contact]: no
@totmessmom: We really need to stop with the cute names for devastating storms. Winter Storm Voldemort would be taken much more seriously.
@AaronFullerton: Hey cell phone companies, I can't think of a more terrifying selling point than "Unlimited Talk."