The Pink Panther’s To Do list:
– To do
– To do
– To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo
Don’t worry, you’re not the first person to misinterpret my flirting as food poisoning
You Might Also Like
Social networking has become a club. Twitter is the dance floor. Instagram is the bar and Facebook is the people crying in the bathroom.
Me: – Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty?
Wife: – Because you’re a pessimist, honey!
Wife: I told you not to buy the kids a trampoline.
Me: I didn’t
Me: buy the kids
Me: a trampoline.
FRIEND: wanna come over?
ME: what’s your dog up to?
FRIEND: um, she’s at the groomer-
ME: THEN WHY ASK ME OVER
My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don’t worry, I informed her Alabama is the president.
“Anyone can be funny… But I can make you hilarious!”
I can point out chicks who say “vokka” and “liberry” instead of “vodka” and “library” based on the use of emoticons in their screen name.
Boyfriend calls me Gluteal Myalgia because he thinks I’m too dumb to understand what it means.
Let’s see how he likes the name Microphallus
I don’t mind the thought of guardian angels watching over me. I just want them to stop giggling when I shower.