@ShittyComedian: Don't you hate it when you're so high on drugs that simple, everyday, mundane tasks become difficult? Anyway, I pissed on your sofa.
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@thenoahkinsey: Tried a new flavor from my favorite brand of energy drinks. It was the 2nd grossest taste I've ever had in my mouth. (No offense, Andrea.)
@radtoria: People who get lost in a book are so dumb. Like, the pages are literally numbered and in order.
@FilthyRichmond: I got tired of our restroom smelling like other people's crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind the hot air vent.