@JPHaddadio

Don’t you hate when you take a power nap and wake up 22 hours later and everybody at work is staring at you?

You Might Also Like

@TheMichaelRock

Nobody pays attention like the person behind the first car at a red light.

@NicestHippo

It’s disturbing that when we see a man’s mustache fall off we assume it’s an identity theft situation and not a medical emergency

@weinerdog4life

Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he’s in two places at once.

@sarcasm_inc

*pulls back your shower curtain*
What did you mean by “creepy”

@CerebralWreck

Lawyer: why do you want a divorce?
Wife: because he use idioms incorrectly.
Me: it’s not my cup of shoes, Linda!

@bossy_bootz

Being single gives me time to focus on other things like getting fat

@Dani_Feld

The wifi going down on me is the most action I’m going to get tonight.

@Rica_Bee

Netflix: (every 45 seconds) aRe YoU StiLL wAtcHiNg ???

Netflix when you fall asleep on the couch: *somehow plays 18 episodes in a row*

@dogsrverycool

*sees a very smooth rock*
me: nice rock
my brain: put it in your mouth
me: no?????