ME to BF: “We need to talk about the future.” BF: “what about it,you wanna talk about flying cars and robots and stuff?”
Dora: what was your favorite part of our journey?
Me: I liked the part where we went over the purple bridge into the candy forest.
Dora: *stares blankly*
Me: *nervous sweating*
Dora: that was my favorite part too!
Me: Oh thank god
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[1st day in Senate]
Me: I’m against genetic engineering
Scientist: We’ve developed kids w/ volume knobs
Me: How much funding do you need
[1st Row at Beyoncé Concert]
Beyoncé: Who run da world?! *points mic at me*
ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] …squirrels?
7: [from bed] MOM!
Me: *pauses movie*
7: WHAT DOES LIGHTNING TASTE LIKE?
Do you ever eat an individual-sized bag of chips and wonder what kind of “individual” only eats seven chips?
ME: I like a girl with a bit of ink
OCTOPUS: Oh hey
19 showed us what he has learned at college when he asked “can we drink screwdrivers while we are opening presents?”
Me: *unfreezes cro-magnon woman I uncover on an arctic expedition*
Cro-magnon woman: “I have a boyfriend.”
I asked my husband if he liked the song “#1 Crush” and he said it’s garbage, and then I said “yeah, but do you LIKE it?” because he has no clue who sings it and I’m annoying af.
Me: I’ll take Complete The Phrase for $1000.
Alex Trebek: If you love someone, you should set them…
Me: What is “on fire”, Alex.