dentist: have you been flossing?
me: yes 🙂
dentist: your mouth?
me: no 🙁
Dr: Take two tablets at 7pm every night. Not too late!
5pm: Nah too early
6pm: Still too early
6:45pm: Ooh nearly tablet time
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On the list of things I fear the most, “death” comes in as a close second to “audience participation”
BBC crime shows on Netflix:
– Inspector Grimpenchester
– The Hangman’s Ax
– Get Me Bumblry!
– Miss Lettie Pennyfeather’s Detective Concern
dog person: do you like dogs or cats
me: all pets are good 🙂
dog person: dogs or cats?
me: i like them in different ways
dog person: DOGS [holding a knife to my throat] OR CATS?
Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard…..
My son went over to a friend’s house & his Mom asked when we wanted him home. From her expression I think she was expecting a time, not day.
Dude, multiplication is like advanced adding.
Unless you are a pregnancy test, take your negativity somewhere else.
You could murder someone in California and they wouldn’t even arrest you as long as you properly composted the body.
My nephew asked, ‘How will I know when I’m an adult?’ and I said, ‘ When you hear your favorite Justin Bieber song playing in an elevator’