@causticbob: kitchen magnet

@SlipperySecret: No c̶h̶i̶l̶d̶ donuts left behind.

@Ideal_Victoria: I hope people who faint in public know that they're making things super awkward for the rest of us.

@runolgarun: Anyone who doesn't believe sentient A.I. will be the death of humanity has never been asked by Waze to make an unprotected left turn.

@SortaBadass: Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper