If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they would be alloys.
Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Better yet, dress for jobs that don’t even exist. Werewolf psychiatrist. Clown assassin.
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This guys talking about “Calm down, everything happens for a reason”. Then he gets all angry when I punch him in the face. What a hypocrite.
The trouble with cops is if one’s a douchebag you can’t ask to speak to a manager.
Must suck to see your ex getting married. I wouldn’t know, all mine have died in mysterious fiery car crashes.
Me: I hate one-uppers.
One-upper: Not as much as I do.
Go to a suburban neighborhood, find the meanest mom with the biggest glass of white wine, and bring her to negotiate your new car purchase.
TRUMP: I don’t have a subpoena. I have a very huge poena.
Acquaintance: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Me: Into the Witness Protection Program.
I’m not a god.
I’m a regular guy who just happens to be immortal and perfect in every way.
There’s a difference.
No matter what kind of calculator steve is using, he will always hit “clear” multiple times. This is because Steve is a professional.