@TwoSapphiresBlu

Drink to remember.
Drink to forget.
Tweet while drinking,
Wake up with regret.

Drink to remember.
Drink to forget.
Tweet while drinking,
Wake up with regret.

- @TwoSapphiresBlu

You Might Also Like

@Cheeseboy22

This librarian isn’t even wearing glasses! I’m not even going to ask her where a book is. She’s not going to know.

@joe_binkley

Me: This is a picture of my aunt Marge… Rest in peace.
Friend: I’m so sorry for your loss.
Me: Oh, she’s not dead, she’s just really lazy.

@joefrog1

If anyone is interested I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.

@thatUPSdude

I’m not saying I’m bilingual but Brad Pitt is hot.

In other news, I might not know what bilingual means.

@rockstarfish

Today, coworker deemed herself “unscareable”. Now I have no choice but to hide in the backseat of her car with an axe & correct her grammar.

@KeetPotato

[my 1st day as crime scene investigator]
detective: “how did this man drown?”
me: “he could not breathe underwater”

@LoveNLunchmeat

You think they keep the lights low for ambiance, but really it’s cuz that restaurant hasn’t dusted since 1986.