She thinks I’m foolish with money
“He used our life savings to buy a tiger”
YOU SAID YOU WANTED A CAT, KAREN
[drinking my 5th coffee of the day] imma put this body on vibrate
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“Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?” I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.
I got tired of our restroom smelling like other people’s crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind the hot air vent.
My pics are real.
I don’t use any filters.
I don’t even use coffee filters.
I eat coffee straight outta the container like a man
*conducting job interview* And what would you say your biggest weakness is? Other than that haircut.
me alone with my thoughts vs me alone with my thoughts five minutes later
in other news: 8 hours from now, half the country will be screaming about tragedy and loss b/c some dudes didnt catch a ball enough times
I really should learn to say “congratulations” instead of “are you keeping it?”
If you see a dog locked in a car on a hot day, it’s legal to teach it how to hotwire the vehicle and drive off in search of a better life.