@blaha_Who

Drive me up the wall, so I know you’re 4 wheel

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@WhaJoTalkinBout

me: hey i noticed you always sit alone wanna find a seat together?

bus driver: can’t but thanks

@JaneanPatience

Leonard Cohen is jamming in heaven with Prince now. Really awkwardly. It’s not going well. Their musical styles aren’t compatible

@hansabumsadaisy

Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Good Fry-day.

#GoodFriday #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes

@flashember

[my daughter asks for her 2nd apple of the day] oh look it’s the apple monster *fun growl sounds*

DAUGHTER: daddy does God ever go hunting

@DaddyJew

The only time I ever make a good call is when I order pizza

@CalmTomb

Good vacation so far, aside from the faceless man telling us “You will never leave this island.”

@thedailymarker

Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you’re dating an onion and not a man.

@withanewname

“Son, you can practice the sex on holes in trees”

“DAD?!”

[next day]

“Where you going with that broom handle?”

“Checkin for squirrels”

@gwatts77

I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant.

Related: I’ve got some balloons for sale.