Drive me up the wall, so I know you’re 4 wheel

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me: hey i noticed you always sit alone wanna find a seat together?

bus driver: can’t but thanks


Leonard Cohen is jamming in heaven with Prince now. Really awkwardly. It’s not going well. Their musical styles aren’t compatible


Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Good Fry-day.

#GoodFriday #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes


[my daughter asks for her 2nd apple of the day] oh look it’s the apple monster *fun growl sounds*

DAUGHTER: daddy does God ever go hunting


The only time I ever make a good call is when I order pizza


Good vacation so far, aside from the faceless man telling us “You will never leave this island.”


Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you’re dating an onion and not a man.


“Son, you can practice the sex on holes in trees”


[next day]

“Where you going with that broom handle?”

“Checkin for squirrels”


I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant.

Related: I’ve got some balloons for sale.