No, you cannot sleep over.
*Drives by train wreck*
Train wreck:”I have a boyfriend.”
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Nannying is like a stay at home mom internship
When a barista dies coffee beans are placed on each eye before they float down a frappuccino river to forever misspell the names of the dead
should probably not think about sad things at work i mean who wants to buy a dildo from someone who was clearly just crying in the shoe room
My 6 year old is telling me a story, oh wait, now he’s 9.
Seriously joggers?! You’re gonna run and carry on a conversation at the same time?
And I’m all outta breath just finishing this McMuffin!!!
We’re just never going to talk about the fact Mufasa and Scar are brothers but have entirely different accents?
[showing my family to coworker]
This is a picture of my daughter & my cat. Mittens & Jack.
“You named your daughter Jack?”
cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now
[inventing vampire weaknesses]
writer 1: *stoked* ok sunlight, they can only come out at night
writer 2: nice how about crucifixes?
writer 1: ooh yea and holy water!
writer 2: we’re crushing this
[5 hours later]
writer 1: uhh they have to be invited inside
writer 2: garlic