Explained to my client that he shouldn’t put “urgent” in the subject line of every email he sends. He now sends some as “urgent urgent”.
*drops off box to Salvation Army*
“Sir, why is this box marked W I F E?”
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stephen king’s mind:
what if dog…bad?
what if car…bad?
what if clown…bad?
what if hotel…bad?
I saved a ton of money on cool sports cars, vacation getaways and NFL season tickets by having children.
doc: so how are you feeling
doc: *phew* I hate to ruin a good mood
Have you been working out? You look amazing! You should be a supermodel. I ran over your dog.
It’s going to take 14 years to put Harriet on the $20? I’ve got a friend in Chesterfield Square who can print some off in an hour..
Look, you invented bread and I invented knives. Let’s combine forces and we could be the best thing since…well we’ll think of that later.
PSA: wild animals do not know to look away from the eclipse. Bring all them inside during it. Birds, raccoons, fox..all of em
Brain: Walk up to her and offer her a drink.
Me: I WANT TO DRINK YOU LIKE A SIPPY CUP.
Brain: Can you actually hear me?
I bet you say that to all the guys…