Drugs CAN make your life
miserable but if you wanna
leave no room for error,
try a Marriage Certificate.

You Might Also Like


What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? “the Dark Knight Rises”


If something rolls off of my plate… I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.


[girl accidentally runs me over with her car]
me, crushed under her tire: haha soooo like what are we


Me texting friend: Hey! What’s up?
Buddy: *sends picture of ceiling*
Me: I am so glad I didn’t ask “how’s it hanging”


I bet when David Hasselhoff gets too drunk he roams the streets screaming “KITT!” When he can’t find his car.


me (when my escalator is working but the other direction isn’t): God is on my side as always.

me (when my escalator isn’t working but the other direction is): i am the cursed goblin man


I was at the supermarket when I almost dropped my cat food. Luckily a beautiful woman snatched it out of the air.

She really caught my Fancy.


If you love something, give it a really embarrassing haircut. At least, I assume that was my mom’s motto.