Drugs don’t ruin people’s lives, drug tests do.

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“Why would you watch *Sports Anime* when you don’t even play the sport” Well why would you watch Naruto when you’re not a ninja


Apples greatest success is convincing the world they need a new phone, to replace the one you aren’t making phone calls on, every year.


I’ve accepted that I’ll probably never say “I’d love to” without sounding sarcastic.


Right now Netflix is trying to figure out how 6 million people watched birdbox this weekend with only 22 active accounts


In the Uk, 50 shades of Gray, isn’t a sexy book, it’s the weather report.


*sees dead squirrel on the road*
Oh, poor squirrel.
*realizes it’s just a sock*
poor sock


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Why is it that when your dog brings you things he’s killed it’s cute, but when I do it we have to get the police involved?