Your fancy knocking pattern isn’t going to entice me into answering the door, either.
DRUNKEN GUNSLINGER: Oh, so you think you can poke me, do ya? *draws gun* Well, reach for the sky!
DRUNKEN GUNSLINGER: That’s right…
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If I ever owned a funeral home, I would name it “Remains To Be Seen”.
“Can we FaceTime?”
Me – No I’m busy
Me – Being ugly. Mind your business.
I heard a girl at the bar last night drunkenly ask the bartender “what’s the closest drink you guys have to a chicken nugget.”
Responding to a question from your wife with interpretive dance tends to raise more questions than it answers.
really makes you think
I scream. You scream. We all scream. I’m not supposed to be at this slumber party.
I ate the worst cake of my life today, but then again that must have been why it was free at the urinal.
Having your 9 year old daughter pack for a sleepover is a great idea, as long as you’re fine with her taking 17 stuffed unicorns and no socks.