Me: “I’m so lonely.”
Microscopic organism: “Wow, I’m right here.”
– not the least bit dry
– shrunk to barely fit 12 yr old you
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oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog
MAN!! My boss is always all “Blah blah blah!”, “You’re late!”, and “Get me more pictures of Spiderman!!”
*applies conditioner to my to-do list to make it more manageable*
Abraham Lincoln is trending. Congrats to his social media team.
Sir it would appear that you have sugar poisoning
“You mean Diabetes?”
Ooh look at me, I’m a patient that knows all the diseases ooh
Cinco de Mayo means five of mayonnaise in Spanish.
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hey Disney-Pixar here’s an idea maybe make a movie where the daughter ACTUALLY LISTENS TO HER FATHER
If you don’t have a bookcase that spins into a secret room then give your money to me because you’re spending it wrong.