Hush little baby,
Don’t say a word.
Daddy’s gonna buy you a bunch of crap so he doesn’t have to hear your incessant whining ya spoiled brat.
Dude turned from the ATM and tripped sending about eight 20s flying into my face.
I teared up a little.
I get strippers, I get it.
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Funny how old trash yards always have so much razor wire on the fence
If I want that trash bad enough no amount of razors will stop me
Saw a guy steal a car using a hanger so I did what any normal person would do, walked up to him & asked “You that guy from Grand Theft Auto?
“oh, hello. you’re back early”
It was the third time that summer they’d dug up her garden, and Barbara decided it was time to send the bunnies a message.
Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat.
“Hi, I’m here for Paradox Club.”
-Actually this is Oxymoron Club.
“Ok, same difference.”
*looks at group*
-Oh, this guy is good.
[first day as magician]
Me: *pulls rabbi out of hat* Sorry, forgot my tea this morning
toddler *begs me to take him to get ice cream*
[standing in line]
me: Do you know what do you want?
toddler: Chicken nuggets
Daily ‘Facts About CHEESE’
Fact About Cheese #3:
“String Cheese. Is not made of string.”