Due to recent cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

You Might Also Like


I put JIF Peanut butter in the mousetraps and although I didn’t catch any mice I did manage to snag 3 choosy mothers.


HIM: I’m having a shit first day at my new job. Can I crash at your place?
HER: Sure. What’s your new job?
HIM: Airline pilot.


Hotel clerk: Sir, how many room keys would you like?

Me: 37


I thought I stepped on a Lego, but thankfully, it was just a rusty old nail.


Me: I need the other guy

Him: I’m the head surgeon

Me: [with a broken foot] exactly


[2 detectives are at a murder scene]
“my god Wilkins. Are you thinking what im thinking?”

“a lasagne driving a car?”


[playing with a Ouija board with my dog]

Board: B A L L

Me: I know that’s you moving it! Stop!

Board: T R E A T S