dumbledore: we need u to hand deliver the letter to harry

hagrid: why don’t u just make one magically appear into his hands

dumbledore: do i look like a wizard

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am i a vampire? i :

– look great in black
– won’t come to your home unless formally invited
– avoid natural sunlight at all costs
– will die if stabbed through the heart with a stake


Just walked into my local court house, they were all sitting around in a circle with black candles and robes trying to summon a jury #funny


I’d rather take a bullet for my son than cover for him when mom asks who left the dirty dishes in the sink…


Dogs are the most loyal, protective creatures on the planet unless someone near you has food and then lol you’re on your own.


I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things?? That’s how they get you


We can find water on Mars but we can’t something completely unrelated?


“I propose a toast”

“I propose a bagel.”

“Ya bagel, much better.”