@randypaint

dumbledore: we need u to hand deliver the letter to harry

hagrid: why don’t u just make one magically appear into his hands

dumbledore: do i look like a wizard

You Might Also Like

@tiemoose

am i a vampire? i :

– look great in black
– won’t come to your home unless formally invited
– avoid natural sunlight at all costs
– will die if stabbed through the heart with a stake

@ScottyBondo

Just walked into my local court house, they were all sitting around in a circle with black candles and robes trying to summon a jury #funny

@TheBoydP

I’d rather take a bullet for my son than cover for him when mom asks who left the dirty dishes in the sink…

@MeReflectingMe

Dogs are the most loyal, protective creatures on the planet unless someone near you has food and then lol you’re on your own.

@KevinFarzad

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things?? That’s how they get you

@kumailn

We can find water on Mars but we can’t something completely unrelated?

@TheToddWilliams

“I propose a toast”

“I propose a bagel.”

“Ya bagel, much better.”