People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom.
*dumps more fleas on my head*
*sits back down in front of chimpanzee*
So, anyway, like I was saying…
You Might Also Like
Women: I need a man that can open pickle jars and kill spiders
Me: *Opens a jar of spiders* Did I do this right?
a relationship should be 50/50. 50% donkey 50% dragon
My 5-year-old just asked if we could have Hotdog Bell for dinner.
There is no Hotdog Bell here.
I’m not sure if there’s a Hotdog Bell at all.
Being rude underwater is snarkeling
Why do they only put expiration DATES on food? It’d be fun as hell if they gave us the exact time too. “We got 8 minutes to eat this ham!!!”
JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA NOOOOOOOOO JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJ AIREEEEEE JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA
gfs dad: so what do you do for a living
me: human trafficking
gf: he’s a crossing guard dad
I had sex and all I got were these kids.