“What fruit or vegetable extract have we not said was good for your hair yet?”
~Shampoo developers probably
Dunno how you Americans have the motivation and energy to pronounce the ‘y’ in ‘basil’ and ‘tomatoes’.
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It’s like ten thousand filters, when all you need is a bag.
Don’t worry little groundhog, when I stick my head outside and see what’s going on in the world today I run back inside and hide too.
I didn’t buy any junk food when I last left my house, March 19th…I am intensely regretting that decision.
[opens treasure chest & it’s full of treasure]
Friend: what is it?
Me [slowly closing chest]: spiders
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
Happy 30th birthday Super Mario Bros. To celebrate, I’m going to eat mushrooms, punch a brick wall & set a turtle on fire.
*Jesus emerges from tomb*
Wow was that 3 days? Holy cow. I was marathoning The Wire. You guys seen this?
Well, if anything, the Mayans DID teach us ONE valuable lesson.
If you don’t finish something…it’s really not the end of the world.
Me: My son totaled another car.
Progressive: I see that you insure 3 teen sons?
P: *covers phone* HEY GUYS, WE’RE GOING TO ARUBA!