Ur hot plz marry me.
OH MY GOSH SORRY FOR THE POCKET TEXT LMAO
her: do you want to try a new position?
me: ok, ringo really carried the beatles
me: hufflepuffs are superior to gryffindors
You Might Also Like
Boss: Have I made myself clear?
Me: No, I can still see you.
Boss: Shakes head.
(At Target buying tampons)
10 yr old son: Oh, YOU get something for yourself but I don’t get anything!
Me: Time to relax and get into bed!
The Internet: Wanna read something upsetting first?
Me: Yes, obviously.
Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses.
Me: I have contacts.
Cop: I don’t care who you know, you’re not getting out of this one.
Life hack: If I ever end my advice with “I promise”, do the opposite. I’m bored and want to see if you’re going to do the stupid shit I suggested.
Bro Transformers are real! Haven’t you seen a big truck or a camaro? They are real. They just hide real good like chewbacca. And batman.
“We need a name for this big flat state full of corn and you’re gonna be the one to do it”
“Nailed it. Next state.”
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
*brain waking up*
oh god please not again I can’t keep existing in this reality
*brain 20 minutes later*
1000000 chameleons is a chamillion