[talking with counselor]
I don’t “know” what “she” means that I “use” excessive air quotes
him: Im so sorry. This literally never happens
[takes out telescope to watch comet]
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eve: oH IM aDaM aNd I WoNT eAT aN ApPle
eve: lighten up i’m just ribbing you
My sons having a few friends stay over tonight
Hockey mask *check
Hopefully this will be the last sleepover for a while
If you bump into someone at the grocery store and say goodbye, there’s a 99 percent chance you’ll see them in every single aisle after that.
dora: jeez we’re really lost
boots: dora i’m freezing
backpack: we need a fire
the map: what should we use to start it?
the map: oh no
dora: *holding a lighter* this IS all your fault
Just got out of the shower and lotioned up Unfortunately I’m not a chick so this won’t get 624 faves
In a public restroom I found a sign that read “THINK” on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser “THOAP” to match with it
How many days should i wait before i call my senator, i don’t want to seem desperate
“I think this cereal has gone bad.” *me drunk, eating Meow Mix*
To avoid butterflies in your stomach, don’t eat caterpillars.