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@Shenanigans_luv: [during sex]
Me: So do you LIKE like me or
@TheTweetOfGod: Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment.
@: BARISTA: what can I get you
ME: medium roast please
B: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato
M: *under breath* damn
@ficklenuts: My family has a proud tradition of hunting down the worst possible person we can find, and then marrying them.
@ericsshadow: [on a date]
HER: any accomplishments?
ME: yeah, i'm an award winning [eyes darting around] award winning [sees a dog] dog... liker
@texasstalkermom: That awkward moment you run into someone in public that you know, and there is nowhere to hide.