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@Shenanigans_luv: [during sex]
Me: So do you LIKE like me or
@AlexvanBeek: Hey, Facebook. Dead people can't read your RIP shoutouts, because death.
@donni: I bet ducks would love bananas if they knew about bananas.
@JeremyInKC: Of course your milkshake brings the boys to the yard. What boy doesn't love milkshakes? If your asparagus brought em, then I'd be impressed.
@Aspersioncast: If I've learnt anything from Zombie movies it's that people meat is pretty damn stringy.
@Reverend_Scott: Quotes to calm an angry woman:
1. Stress makes you fat.
2. My ex never acted like that.
3. I love you, even if you're just like your mom.