ok, i’m calling bullshit on Ariel singing underwater
During your interview, try ending every sentence with “dot jpg”.
“How would you say you handle job pressure?”
–Not a problem.jpg
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3yo: make me oatmeal
me: *poof* you’re oatmeal
me: *makes oatmeal
And they lived apathetically ever after.
Ever have that fantasy of pulling over on the side of the highway and running into the woods and disappearing for a few years?
There’s no 5 second rule at my house.
The dog is much quicker than that.
Son: What are caterpillars afraid of?
Me: It’s unlikely that they experience fear. They’re not self-aware, so…
Son: [sadly] Dogerpillars.
The worst thing about coming home from a trip isn’t unpacking, it’s the looming threat of nuclear war
when I said I was doing “the Lord’s work” I meant arbitrarily passing judgment on people.
What idiot called them swordfish instead of… oh, no, wait, actually that’s pretty good.
When the machines become self aware their first order of business will be changing our perception of how robots dance.