This horse is a great reminder that our generation did not invent shitposting, it merely adapted it to another form
E-Harmony Rep: And here’s your starter cat-
Rep: Here’s your starter pack.
Me: You said cat.
Rep: *folder meows*
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Been told I’m a pretty awful human being.
I stopped listening after he said I was pretty.
Home Alone (1990)
A know-it-all, suburban elitist cruelly humiliates two economically anxious men, seeking to improve their lives
5yo *oldest*: Dad, why do we have to eat our vegetables?
Me: You know what? Our first kid asked the same question
[dark movie theater]
me: *opens soda can*
me: *opens then starts loudly crunching corn nuts*
me: *pulls out cast iron with sizzling fajitas*
I asked when my gym membership was up and the dude said “day before Valentine’s Day” like I’m some genius who knows when Valentine’s Day is.
“People are acting crazy” says the interviewed shopper with the shopping cart piled high.
The little girl behind me asked her mom what murder was, confirming my suspicious that Sesame Street doesn’t prepare you for the real world.
Body: I need water.
Me: Diet Coke?
Body: No, water.
Body: NO, WATER!
Me: Coffee it is.
Now, if you all will excuse me I’m going into my closet and I’m not coming out until I find something with an elastic waist…