@mellimelle

Each year I get invited to go on vacation with the same group of annoying people but I can’t say no because they’re my husband & children.

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@ThugRaccoons

A thoughtful Romcom about mansplaining called “Well, Actually”

@Smethanie

The Macarena began playing through the dental office speakers as I lied helpless with the hygienist’s hands in my mouth today. #survivor

@umer_0000

Feet is the plural of Foot
Geese is the plural of Goose

So by extension, stop calling it Jeep, it is only one Joop

@AbbyHasIssues

Manager: Why do you want to work at Comcast?
Applicant: I’ll get you an answer in about a week.
Manager: Brilliant! You’re hired.

@TheAlexNevil

When you find the right person, hang on to them with all your might, cuz getting any help at Home Depot can take forever.

@Swishergirl24

Son: how will I know when I’m a grown-up?

Me: certain foods will make your stomach hurt.

@myonlymizztake

If your kid texts you questions about the price of replacing any household item, you will be replacing said item.